Comfortable in my own skin ]]

2005-06-17T11:54:00.000+08:00

Tired of all these. Clearance for my side, I did not ask Yuani or talk to Yuani about this matter. Germaine and I have done our part and we are over it. Because right now, I'm gonna ignore all 'cause we have done no wrong.

Out for OTC 1 week. Wont be online.

2005-06-15T13:08:00.000+08:00

I refuse to pull my friends down to this shit. Admittance? Alright, i admit that there may be some resemblance to the template placings but there are no pictures of soulcleavage and inkfelt or anything related to them. Do you see any? Well, i have admitted. And the blog template is changed by me, cause i find it ugly to have something in common with them. Even the template placings.

These people have ABSOLUTELY no guts to put their names down.

And to Soulcleavage:

There are things i need to tell you. Personally, if the others including your gf could take a hint. Unknowingly, you are shielding someone unworthed. If you wanna hear it, you can definitely find your way to contact me. Intriguing things you might want to know.

2005-06-13T00:14:00.000+08:00

what comes around goes around yeah? i think its pretty juvenile to go around telling people about plagarizing and personal attacks? yeah, take note of the word, juvenile. well, can we just say SHE THINKS YOU'RE SO TALENTED AND PRETTY AND CUTE and decided to idiolized you? oh sorry, idolized yyou?? and what makes you think that she's plagarizing from youu? ya ya ya, talk talk talk. your blog, your say, i not happy, i go away. YAY. i went away anyway. her blog, her template, you dont like, dont see. same logic yeah? well, you're 18. act like one. its either you are or you're not. just chill man, get so worked up for what? the next thing i will do is prolly copy yours too and let you and your pathetic girlfriend diss me. you guys are just too free. soulcleavage & inkfelt.

i'm not afraid of putting out names anymore. cos this have to stop. i have remained my best attitude towards this. so if you wanna just bish bash me, your choice. jaded with life anyway. but just leave maine alone. i atone for her foolishness to 'idolise' you.

somehow your template resembles someone else's too.
shrugs

2005-06-10T02:46:00.000+08:00

Clubbed Gotham. Horrible music, terrible queques, major turn-ups, bad contestants, lovely friends and lastly, shameless people.

JP: i dont know where this friendship is going, but i hope it is still going on, but how its going on, i'll leave it open. Meanwhile, these are list of things i need it back for personal use, no bad intentions.

1) Bag
2) Shirt
3) Singlet
4) 20 dollars

Binder; you could keep until you have gotten one for yourself.

I miss maine. I need her terribly. The only person i want dance seductively is, with her. I know it sounded really bad but, i'm just missing her really terribly and madly right now. She hates me to club without her , but i still went ahead. I'm such a bad girlfriend. I'm sorry baby. You need to know how much you meant to me, and everywhere i go, all i could think is you. The music only revolves around two of us, with my eyes gazing into yours, hands on your hips, body swaying to rhythm and slowly you feel my lips on you, you part your lips and our lips are sealed.

Oh man, i would really like that.

p/s: Carrie, thanks. Its been like donkey years last seen you.

2005-06-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

well, its the time of the year again. there's no trail of excitement at all. i just felt like nothing, if no one had reminded me, i would take it as another day. i think im like lil psychotic abt birthdays. when i was really young, i was really afraid of birthdays, whenever the crowd croons the happy birthday song, i run, cry and hide under the bed until everything is over. i think its like evil or something HAHAHA. now looking back i feel so childish and everything. there's no difference between back then and now, i'm still kinda feeling awkward tensionized on birthdays. its like so special, and i have no idea what to do, and all i wish is for that day to be over soon. for the past few years, it has always been the same, staying at home and have a small dinner at a small diner. yeah you can say i'm like a social loser or something but i just have bad memories about birthday and it sucks. although its like what? 5years ago? but its deep etched down in my heart. 18th, seem so unreal, before i was 18, i was like, DAMN i wish im 18. but now when it's here, its like visionary. somehow, i feel a whole load of burden on me, i have too much liberty right now, i can smoke (!!! figureofspeech), drink, enter clubs, learn driving. i know it sounded really superficial and all, but hey, everyone thinks that way! its like a whole new chapter of it. its like so inconceivable. looking back 18 years ago, i wished i did something to be really proud of. out of 18 years, i was a lesbian for what? 5 years? at least i was straight for 13years. HAHAH. i'm just so nonsensical right now. but yeah, 8june is really nothing, its just a very sensitive issue right now, but yeahh. well, from now on, i have to be really careful with choices i make (DUH) i know it sounded really stereotyped, but its choices that rule life.
right now, i have my family(still hoping for them to accept me as gay),my friends (boisterous ones), sjab(my only organization) and maine, the girl whom i love more than anything in this world and i mean it.

it feels different. it felt like i had a different identity now. i wonder how would it be to be 21? hahaha, see. there you go, everyone is like aiya, faster 18, then 21, then 30, then 40.. HAHA. how weird. yeah. i feel like laughing out really loud now, i just feel this balloon in me waiting to be burst. im like totally crapping PLEASE.

jp bro: i called you a bro to remind you that i'm your bro. and a bro who can tell you things what's right and what's wrong. but ultimately, the choice is yours. i stood by your side but that doesnt mean i'm condoning your acts. and this time, i'm really truly disappointed. and you are hearing it from me, you're wrong brother, you are wrong. maybe partly it wasnt your fault, but everything COULD be undercontrolled. and you know this isnt the first time. bro, i'm not condemning you but all you need is to be splashd with ice cold water to wake up to reality. you are living in fantasies where emotions are ignored. i'm sorry but i need to say this out bcos its very distressing. i must put a stop to your act if i can. brother, wake up and feel the sensitivity of this issue. clear up this issue asap to stop inflicting more pain. you would understand this, do you? hugs, be strong and pull it through.

all day long, all i'm seeing is tears racing down cheeks. i feel it, friend.

well, that pretty sums up all.
happy 18th birthday, jul. -blows imaginary candles.

2005-06-05T14:23:00.000+08:00

i am really thrilled to see such long comment, but nevertheless, i'm too fucked up to care (HAHAHA, SO MAINE'S FAV). right now im in camp, its day 4 already, its really energy consuming as we are always turning in late, like yesterday, we had SJAB-ALL-TIME-FAV, bunk inspection. from 0030am - 0600am. damn, its such a miracle that i could make it thru cos remembering last year's camp, almost all instructors had their heads down on the table and drooled till morning. well, such improvements are needed to be mentioned. HAHAHA. but every program in the morning is being delayed cos every instructor is sleeping!

right now im using ms i'mplayingchessdontdisturbme-cheng. lol, in PCCG room, watching the tag game between yeow wee, haoyuan and miss i'mplayingchessdontdisturbme-cheng. lol. i realised ever since i have taken over, or rather xinyi left, the camps had been really slacked cos we are too slack ourselves. i hereby swear that i will plan the JUNCO camp well, and no one will slack, we must bring back our standard. *NODS

damnit shit, aaronn, if you know, im trying to call you but your network is just too fucked up. call soon. like probably 3am or smthing. love ya gay.

i miss maine so mucch, we had our fair share of problems again, booked out of camp to rush over to her place, to prevent any more problems escalating again. i love her, and its really from the botttom of my heart.

she's my everything, everything is her.

2005-06-02T12:39:00.000+08:00

im feeling so lugubrious right now. i just finished watching rice rhapsody. why is it so arduous being gay? i couldnt stop thinking about mom, how disappointed she is, to find out i'm actually gay, with slappings on my face, tears streaming down from her aghasted eyes. thousands of sorrys would never make it up to the pain. why am i gay?? its just so hard to live on knowing the truth, i might never be accepted in this world, in this home. my harrowing heart is full of rantings and flooded with intangible guilts.

im speechless. i refuse to type on anymore.

2005-06-02T09:48:00.000+08:00

coco latte was good. with hot girls and boys around, all i could think is Maine.
Anyway, happy 3rd month baby. :)

Sjab camp from 2nd june to 7june. will log in sometimes to check in messages from you guys! :) send me all ur love alright.

i miss maine already. ARRRRRGGGGBRRRRR.

p/s: Happy birthday to LQA.

2005-05-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

thanks for the comments peeps, esp CARRIE. i, very much, want to believe that you didnt forget about me. if i didnt tag you, would you even remember my name PLEASE.

ah, i have no idea what to blog. maybe i should mention something about my cousin. HAHA. she nearly died of heart attack after paying pens worth of 50bucks. HAHAHHA. and those pens are MINE! i lovee my cousin SO MUCH.

and oh, good luck to those who are taking Chinese O's tmr, enemies and friends. Esp Jp and Maine (LOVER).

Tiffy: call to meet up soon ok. sorry for the cancellation. i will pay 50cents to you. HEEEEHEEEE. im crapping. okay i wanna sleep.

and, i'm on braces (TEETH).

2005-05-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

all the pretence we get from these all-oh-i'm-not-a-disser, is just, " your english aint no good enough to diss me off." aiya, please. tired of this content already. its always your english isnt good enough, your english isnt this or so. such a boring life they led. nevertheless, not actually bothered. in fact, not even. diss me more please. i get the pleasure cos you have to think of smthing else to diss me off, if its another YOUR ENGLISH ISNT GOOD, then YAWNS. and oh yeah, leave your name kindly.

*polite tone, cos i aint RUDE and aggressive. i'm more of a lover.

gp mid years tmr. and you know what the hell i'm doing right now?
choking back those stinging tears away. making way for blood to seep through.
i never thought i'd inflict so pain in you. to feel the vibes i never sent.
but you know it and everyone knows it.

that is, i never stopped loving you.

2005-05-23T15:09:00.000+08:00

i've been laughing really alot this few weeks. i wish that underdog would say something right smack into my face. i really hate to read between the lines in blogs cos im going through under intensive lit training for analysis. im saving up all these brainpower for school, not back at home reading lines between. take your guts and place it out. apparently, those underdogs have been sneaking in and out to read about my pathetic life. really grateful for ur concerns. in return, i read your ultra-pathetic-detail-by-detail story line. perfect. we compliment each other. now, run to your girlfriend for help, please.

yawns, i dont care if my engrish(HAHA!) is halfpast six. at least i have halfpast six. some people might even dont, im grateful. right now, i'm gonna say a few prayers, hope to see my comment box full of flaming. sometimes, in life, you have take those risk.

HAHAHA! i'm such a burger. sorry, bugger. right now, i have to just chill and wait. oh, meanwhile, i will complete work.

right here waiting for you WOR.

2005-05-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

I'm sick of people using, "confusion is nothing new". we should rattle on originality, dont we? Anyway, Maine and I had cool jokes about confusion. HAHA. Private stash, sorry. Happy birthday to Stephie, that silly girl. Yawns, i need to get up earlier to get to girlfriend's house. Blog again.

2005-05-18T21:27:00.000+08:00

Watched Get Real. Oh please, like please get real. Diana Ser is totally exposing us and exposing the wrong things. And Lesbians? Please own up. You can totally go up and say, Yes I'm a lesbian but mosaic my face please. Quite pissed off with this totally Auntie-but-act-teenager, who totally said about girls kissing in the mrt. If Germaine was next beside me, she'd totally eye me. I swear. I can already feel her eyeing through texting.

Anyway we are like lesbians, and we need to be like ingenuous about our sexuality. I mean, its a shame to see Diana Ser probing things like this. We dont have to prove to people we are lesbians, i mean, ARGH, but dont deny yourself. It proves shame to yourself that you depise yourself.

Lesbians, dont be afraid.
Mom totally asked me. Silence means consent.

Sports heat today. Out with town with Sarah, Aaronn and Peishan. Major gossiping hours. Tired, but left with M.Meya's work. But im gonna crash.

2005-05-15T22:18:00.000+08:00

Guess what? I'm losing Maine afterall. No use of typing out every inch of my heartache. Afterall, it still hurts. Well, say bye to life which originally had meaning and now, it loses it. I'm going back to zero; to the stage where i stumble and crumble. Good bye.

2005-05-14T20:21:00.000+08:00

:) im institutionalized by Maine. the most amazing girl on earth, has appeared in my life. I couldnt stop thanking God.

p.s : i dont usually looked like that. i was tired and uglize, traumatized by a huge zit.

p.s2 : i'm really tired. i should go to sleep and wake up early to complete work.

POUTS. i miss my baby queen. ROARS

2005-05-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

i feel silly after taking this picture. i thought i looked cool. but i looked like shit. OKAY I HEAR A CHORUS OF YES. okay, i'm sorry i looked bad. i try to take something nice next time. but mean while, i'm gonna scratch my vagina. aftermath of shaving, ITCHY AH.

chill.

2005-05-12T19:40:00.000+08:00

i needed my specs to see what's around me. and i realised i've seen more than i should. never really understood what's going on with Men. but i guess i will never want to know, cos i dont want to have anything to do with them. Men; egoistical bastards, big time jerks. my bad for Huiting. that silly girl, i pray that she wil be heal tmr morning with a happy face pasted, and she will forget everything. And may that Man, suffer from this great loss.

i'm frustrated with life, i think mostly with myself. i blame myself for the small things i've done wrong in this house, cos there's no one else to blame. i'm feeling jaded, blue with this cold lonely home. i never thought i'd come to this stage feeling lonelier than ever. whenever mom said that i'd regret one day if she starts to stop caring for me. i think it has started already, her indifferentness caught me. well, i think i better get used to it. cos i know, its for life, she has given up on me.

passed up my first piece of gp work, of the month. wahhaa, had been procrastinating since day 1, now he made us sit down and do the essay, damn shiok. managed to write more than 800words i suppose but im breaking all the gp rules like what liyi said. HAHA, do i even look like i give a fuck? sigh. i dono what came over me. i'm just very moody right now, i must sleep early to end this nonsense of mine.

and i have not eaten dinner. let gastric take place, i dont care anymore. now, i feel like being a bad girl. i need my ciggs. i feel like doing something wrong again. but, i wont. Maine'd just slap me across the face. i'l just SLEEP.

Men suck.

2005-05-10T19:31:00.000+08:00

our lips are still moulded together as she sloughs off her jeans and her naked body makes me gasp out loud. her youthful curves and hollows are as beautiful as any classical sculpture. she steps into the bath and is above me, covering me with eager kisses. her face colours with lust. have i ever before aroused such open desire in a woman? I dont think so. It is such a powerful feelings that any ideas of inhibition I might have harboured, fly away in the bold, bold face of it. Her eyes and her body are hungry for me. Ravenous. And i too want to devour her. we undulate together, her hands urging my hips in their frenzy until we cry out together that our esctasy is spent. simply escatic.

maine, my girl, the one i love so much. days has been good and school's been draining me majorly. clique problems and everything. i wonder what's like being a total nerd. HAHA. tmr supposedly to have volleyball trials but my class is chosen to be student facilitators for nationwide student for racial harmony. i dun know if i shld be proud of anything, but i think its like a totally waste of time. i dono. ARRGGH. yeah, so tmr's the training day for us or smthing.

institution day's this coming saturday, at ntu. yawns, i wonder how long wil it take before i get to see my love. gp mid year's on 26th may, track and field meets' on 27th may. and voila, holidays are here. but damn, after holidays, its hell man, mid yrs. i swear, i'm gonna study really hard, cos i don wanna retain. yeah.

well, i hope this week, nothing gets screwed up. until then, i shall just indulge in dvd marathon after sch. *HORRIFIED.

one day, i'l marry you.

2005-05-07T21:25:00.000+08:00

im so tired. exhausting myself to max everyday.
i cant even blog properly. TMR. TMR.

2005-05-04T21:32:00.000+08:00

guess what? mom found out. i got a hell out of her, but at least i felt a little relieved. but she's making me promise her that i wont cut my hair anymore unless she says so. damn, i feel like a prisoner. MOM, for God's sake, i'm eighteen this year. well, i didnt say anything. i just.. walked away and she simply chased up and forced me to promise her. all i can do is just to stare in her eyes and contain my own amuse.

she gave me half and hr to decide. and she says that my constipation is retribution. damn. now, i'm gonna be an ah pek with long hair. and maine is sure going to dump me.

great. my life's ruined. period.

2005-05-03T20:00:00.000+08:00

thanks for the heart-felt concerns from huiting, bestie, jp and passerby. its easy to say live your own life, you decide your life. its too easy to say, but its never easy to do it. especially, all my mom does is to threaten to kill herself. and that's what holding me back. ah, i'd just take a step at a time. meanwhile, i'm still seeking refuge in darkness to avoid mom. how pathetic life can be, when you're acting like a cockroach in a place where you called home.

didnt go schl today, was supposedly to help out maine with her mid-year exams but as expected, we ended up doing smthing else.. i refused to eleborate before maine come running after me with a chopper for divulging what we have done. HAHA. sound pretty obvious aint it? oh no, i can already imagine it. that girl, really cracks me up alot, she is really like the light of my life, i never gotten a girl like her before. she's the sweetest anyone could get. HAHA. too bad lah, i've gotten her, and she's mine already. LITERALLY. if you know what i mean. her TATA is soon to be mine. okay, private joke between both of us. i love to spend mornings & afternoons with her, its so busy being with her, i wonder what happend in the night if we are together. i bet we cant even get to sleeeeeep!

damn. i'm spending really alot this month, its barely the 5th of the month and i've splurge 3/4 of my allowance already. i'm such a bad girl. and now i have to rely on my self-sufficient technique - cook at home; maggie. ARRGH, i hardly spend anything on maine this month. i should just shoot myself right now, and and and before i do, i should like persuade dad change my insurance beneficial person to Germaine Pereira. hahahha, germaine can just kill me whenever she needs money. yeah, i spent like so much. bought adidas soccer shoes (BUT IM NOT A SOCCER PLAYER) cost $90. just to match my fucking bag and maine was like EEYER, SO UGLY! . heartbroken PLEASE. i bought like this shirt from topman $40? a nice nice shades $25.

i'm such a spender. I CANT TAKE IT.
next month. my birthday. i want that adidas blue and orange jacket $139. i swear man. and maybe in return, BESTIE, i will buy you the lacoste bag you want. dont NIAO LAH PLS.

okay, i typed too much and i want to private concert with huiting. HAHAH. :)

i need to sleep early, mom is coming home late tonight.

2005-05-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

had a haircut today. it turned out to be really short? (in my standard) and i immediately regretted cutting it. in thought of my mother. i liked the haircut alot, but im forced to be remorseful and hate it. i could never do things in conjuncture with my life, mom will never approve, such as wearing men's clothing, having short hair. im bornd to live her expectations of being a sweet lovely pretty girl, to match up with my mom's modelling days. the thing is, i cant.

right now, i'm so disorganized i have no idea what to type in, as im doing this in a very secretive manner. mom had not discovered my new hair cut and i have to wait for both parents to sleep before i can on the lights and type in this soon-to-be melancholic bitter story. i didnt want to come home so early but sarah and chris wanted to go home, so reluctantly i went home. i took my own sweet time to reach, cos all i want is my parents to be in the room so they are unable to see my new hairdo. at 930pm, i tot they might be in the room, i was just standing at d door steps and i heard mom and dad's voices. i shuddered. i took the lift back down and sat down at the void deck and breathed in the cold breeze. i was cold and scared. i didnt know what to do. i know, to you, it may seem like its just a haircut, but its more than that. its all about rantings, threatenings, tearings and bitterness.

its hard being a lesbian, i cant contain anymore. i really wanna let mom know that i cannot fulfil her wishes as a normal daughter and i really want her to accept me for who i am. but i know she cant, she has tried to, but lived in self-denial all these while. im struggling so hard, so hard inside that i might just burst whatever that's inside. its so hard. its so hard to live on with shame, coldness and injustification on myself. i'm not ashamed of who i am. but mom made me felt ashamed, mom felt ashamed. i hate my aunt who talks abt me acting like a boy and stuff, and it got my mom starting her engine to rant at me. i'm sick of living such life, i cant even be at ease at home, i have to be so secretive with all these.

maybe this world didnt planned to have me around at all. my mind is whirling and whirling against thoughts. i felt so stressed and suffocated being who i really want to be. i dont want things to be overturned, i dont want things to be shattered. i believe, homosexuality is not a choice. even it is, so what? i want to be someone whom i want to be. not someone whom YOU want me to be.

i hate myself sometimes, for being a lesbian. i hate it so much, the fact that i just want to leave this world and start all over again. but i think abt my loved ones, is it even fair? whatever happened to all my lesbian rights or whatsoever? i'm so tornapart being who i am.

i need to release.
i need to breathe.
i need to stop struggling.

keep me in your prayers, friends. help to release my struggling soul that is trapped inside me.

Release me.

2005-05-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

ah. like sand diminishing in an hourglass, evenly, ceaselessly, uniformly, grain by grain. we have come forth to the second month of intimacy and amorousness with my significant other; Maine. i could still retrace the moments; the day i asked for your permission to hold you til the end of time. i was the frivolous one, taking in your hand in mine, strolling down the corridors, escorting my angel back home. with the heart pounding so hard, resounding in my mind, i was sweating massively. i couldnt make up my mind if i should pop the question, cos i want it to be really peculiar. i was smashing my heart, try to pump out courage and finally by the stairs, i did the most unglam booboo. i, literally, put my head in my arms, and asked her, " Will you be Mrs Seah?" with a muffled voice. As shy as i was, she grinned and nodded, 'yes', she spoke with a giggle. She skipped home. OKAY, I LIED ABT THE SKIPPING HOME, BUT I WISHED SHE DID.

these two months, bristling with so much emotions along with complications, fixed with tons of dilemma. we managed to defeat them and made it through to today. we grew stronger, and we are still growing stronger.

that girl, angel of mine? she took my heart away, literally and placed it in somewhere, where it couldnt be touched, along with hers. it's amazing sometimes with the way she can make me feel , that i couldnt define with any words. with you, i envisage, my life fills with colours, flower petals cascading down from the alluring skies and perceiving absolute jubilation.

my exquisite and enticing baby, feel the affection i feel for you. its more than anything in this world. i love you so much, so much, so much and so much. i cant picture my life without you, without you holding me, without you kissing me. for the times, we fought and cried, i'l make it up to you.

you're my only one, the only girl. numero uno. :) the one, i chose to marry, regardless of anything.

Happy 2nd month, ma cherie.

02/05/05

2005-04-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

problems kept reappearing but we got it under controlled. that girl, i love her so much. i know, probably she heard my 'i love yous' for the millionth time, but everytime i say it, it comes from the deepest depth of my heart.

sch's alright, as usual with my suntanions. MUAHHAHA. i'm like the chairman. THANK YOU. with sarah, as the vice-chairman. stephanie as the treasurer. wah, like SO PROUD. sch's great with my peeps around. MISS HUITING, is like leaving alr. dono why she wants to leave. she just doesnt know what does her good with ME around? such a cutie. MUAHAHAH. okay, self-denial.. but.. okay nvm. i'm not cute anyway. so fat. gf claims i am, so i am. SUBMISSIVE. :)

my muscles are like growing everyday with the help of the kind and courteous PE teachers. ROLL EYES. im abt to burst into a muscle machine. yeah.

i miss my friends. i miss christabel. POUTs. but i miss germaine more. :( sorry friends, but i'l love you the same. but germaine, MORE. muhah. i'm crapping big time.. im suppose 2 stay awake until maine wants to sleep so she wont feel lonely. MEANWHILE, i shld like go and read my princess diary. WHAHA, yeah. :)

mom and dad, not at home. MR LONELY. ;(

2005-04-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

as i was heading home, almost succumbed to fatigue, i saw blue and red headlights swirling. there had been a car accident and i wasnt sure if it was fatal. i thought i would never dwell upon this incident anymore. i know, people might think i have forgotten and felt that i'm just being really peripheral and phony. i saw those blotches of blood on the familiar black patch. if you had caught me previously on soakedtampons, you might know. she has been kept the back of my heart, and the deepest level of my heart.

that scene, brought me back to the days of mourning and grieving, which are so hard to get by, with streams of tears racing down this bitter melancholy face. i wil never forget your face with such serenity that i've never seen before. i will never forget how much hatred i had inside. i know, you're looking at us right now. i know, you blamed me for not visiting you after dreams after dreams. that sour scrunchy squeezed ache is back in my heart, i never gotten rid of them. i've seen people, how superficial they can get, pretending that they are really your good friends, and how fake they would feel. i don proclaim to the world, but that doesnt mean i dont care. i feel your presence, and i know you know and you understand what i am going thru in my life right now. I'm sure you know that right now, I'm with Germaine, instead of Yvonne. and you would blessed us like you did before.

how i wish, time would turn back time. i miss you so much, with your crappos and everything. Neekol Tan, i miss you so much.

my all time favourite Nicole. with love, i prick my finger to relive back the pain and never forget again.

the cake i never forget for your birthday, every year, without fail.

cratesoforange. Rest in peace.

2005-04-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

lately, problems had been throwing themselves at us. my perserverance almost hit the limit, but everytime you smile, i'm back to zero once again. i want to keep that awarded-sweetest smile on you everyday. i'm sorry for the times that i'm so insensitive, so helpless, so jerky and so not sweet. but you do understand that everything i do is just to keep us together and smiling, looking forward to next 50 yrs? i know, it may totally seem impossible. but HEY, who knows. i dont think much abt future, cos present, there's too much to worry and to keep up.

hey baby, you gotta think positive, and that's what i've been telling you. positive abt our r/s and your life and my life. :) believe me, you're d girl i ever wanted, i have the exact sentiments; i've waited so long to have someone like you to be Mrs Seah. Maine, get into the fast car and lets ride it all off. i'l bring you unexpected, you-can-scream-for-all-you-want happiness that no one can provide. i want you to be the only one who laughs at my fart and moronic actions. it may sound really DOOH, but yeah, that's what i want. grins

schl lately, was actually good. i was on task (EXCEPT FOR GP), and really focused in classes. with my bunch of boisterous friends. they totally cracked me up everyday, esp STEPH & SARAH. stupid girls esp sarah who kept going on with her 'so rude' routine. went for badminton trials today. felt stupid, cos my skills are obviously rusty lah. but i think i totally can make it to the sch team can. but i dont want badminton. I DONO WHAT I WANT. photographic society sounds good. good. good. :) rushing geog proj, i totally tot i can slack lah, depend on others, BUT I TOTALLY HAVE TO DO 5slides out of like 7 or 8 of them. thank God, liyi is online. muhaha. i love my mates man!

bestie: I MISS YOU. please meet soon okay. and can you PLEASE have a blog or smth. since now you've internet access like EVERYWHERE. so i can tag on you lah please. :) LOVES.

i need to finish those apples mom cut.

2005-04-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

God, do you have something against us? Work on others, before working on us. I beg you. I'm on my knees. Save us.

2005-04-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

i dono how, but somehow i'd find a way to kill myself. to end this pathetic life.

2005-04-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

my love for you is quenchless. those trails of kisses you left on, will never be effaced. you must never have qualms abt me leaving you cos that will be the last thing on my mind. lean on me darling.

our love will heighten to the unlimited limits.

2005-04-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

ahh. im here to update after MIA-ing for a long time. actually i was rather lazyy. anyways, thanks to people whom tagd at the last entry to console me. :) but i kinda got over it, with or without chris, i gotta live on! :) lol, chris, please dont take it to heart.

sch has been boring ever since lessons started! esp, GP. i'm always falling asleep until gay celebrations. muahhaa. anyway, skipped sch today with sarah tan. damn shiok. woke up at 6plus to accompany maine ON THE PHONE when she's on her way to sch, and slept until 9plus and go get MC! :) waited really long, like .. lol, as usual. den went to meet sarah tan and went to crescents!

did loads of silly things there. but well, i was there until maine was released from sch. i love that girl. later, went out with sarah, chris, steph(MS BEAN), aaron, derek, chermaine, sylvia, matthew, chester. WAH, alot of people. and hung out at noodle bar. did like MANY SILLY THINGS LAH. my lovely friends. :)

i have my lovely friends, i've gotten the best girlfriend who's so sweet and beautiful. what more can i ask for? for the first time, i'm not living in self-denial. these people kept me moving on. and i'l never want to lose them. HUGS.

i love you.

carpenters - close to you

2005-04-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

im all upset. it seem like all my friends are leaving me in this black pit. im feeling so scared and lonely. im feeling so weird out and really cranky. tears are about to flow. but i know, i shouldnt. everyone has their choice of staying or not.

social sucidal ; art club.

2005-04-07T19:49:00.000+08:00

been really busy lately. have been reaching home abt 10++. lol, i have been lying quite alot this few days. totally skipped to town after sch like 3plus and returned home late. no lah, have meetings and all. yeah, gp is boring me to tears. and i don like mr chan, he's too nice alr. he told us to have break for 5mins, den i fell asleep, and he let us have break until sch ends! HOW NICE. waste of my time. i don want to go to sch and sleep. please send me to detention soon, cos A's not easy. i love geography, i love my geography teacher. and i'm geog rep. MUAHHAHA. its really interesting and i really focused on it really alot, but i fell asleep. i realised it wasnt me who's tired, but im just concentrating reall hard. i swear.

mrs meya for lit; she's like really cool and disturbing. she likes to rebuke everyone. i think im gonna have an interesting year debating with her. :) and mother tongue is like? OMG. i cant stand it. im gonna subscribe chinese papers and read it faithfully. and business mgt is cool, easy to understand, but the teacher is like really fragile type. ms tee. lol, i would like to tee u off. muahah.

my friends are really cool. too many ij girls in my sch, until can faint ah. christabel is gonna leave us soon and go for poly. i really dont want her to go but i dono, i cant be selfish? i know i'm gonna live in hell missing her like crazy. i dono, i think we can be really good friends. SIGHS. i dono, im gonna try to persuade her but i dont want her to cry over it again. please just shoot me.

meeting maine every morning is like SO COOL LAH. :) its like a constant strength to keep me moving to sch. :) ahhhh, im not sure whether to join hockey or touch rugby. i'm all for touch rugby until this teacher came and poached me to join hockey. she seemed really sincere. but i dono, everyone's like TOUCH-RUGBY. i think i wil go for touch-rugby. :) i'd love mud spa smtimes. hur.

somehow, there's something stil lacking.

2005-04-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

Let us all, recall the moment when you were about to be socked by Sheryl. With incidentally, Cole was there.

people with such thick lips who excels in mockings and talkings.. i must say, im surprised. :)
__
i shall be kind and stick to all facts. and im done with this childish thing. do whatever you want.
stayed out late yday with tiff, cole, seek, rick and fangru. and had to rush to maine's house today. HAPPY A MTH BABY! :) went for sch's commendation day, collected my top humanities prize and left home but before that had some issues for sjab. ahh. i totally cant find my sjab skirt. i need to hit the sack, im all exhausted.

backup against the wall.

2005-03-31T16:31:00.000+08:00

doctor decided to declare sick day for me today. im having flu big time. that ABILA lah. she totally sneezed infront of me and i had it. TSK. right now im feeling drowsy, cos i jus took my medicine. right, i saw my fellow OG9 members blogging abt their OG. im feeling guilty. lol. like im not paying enuf attention to them.. anyway, my OG won 2nd out of 15 OGs!

1st runner up OG9

i tel ya, i love my OG so much. so cool lah. :) its the team that work man. and i see no reason why OG 1 can win champion. TSK. MI rocks lah! knew loadsa friends. like really alot, thank God i didnt transfer to bartley, if not i'l miss out tons man! :)

darn, i cant take it anymore. i need to sleep.

JIAWEN AKA JOHNNY: if shld you ever touch my gf, you answer directly to me. you wont want to mess with me.

2005-03-28T20:36:00.000+08:00

sch is draining me out big time. but thank God, cos every morning, i meet Maine. who constantly gave me strength to move on in the day. :) thanks sweetie.

2005-03-27T21:24:00.000+08:00

had coc today. quite fedup though.

darlin, what matters is i love you and that's true. no one can be compared to you. you have to understand that.

2005-03-26T21:00:00.000+08:00

im stabbed. baby i just dont get it. im hurting so much, why dont you let me love you.
dont end this just like this. those words just stuck at the back of my throat, refusing to make any noise. but i'm struggling. im choking those tears back.

--10:52pm

what if i havent persisted. what if i wasnt even strong. what if i broke my knuckles. what if i lost you. what ifs.. so many of them. but im glad we're back again. mend that broken heart, cure that pain. *burst into tears. i love you so much.

2005-03-25T21:52:00.000+08:00

apparently, my skirt is not so short enough. -quoted by germaine seah.
TSK.

i make it longer until my ankle there then you know. lol. today is GOOD FRIDAY. and grandma seah cooked hainanese chicken rice. wah, bliss man. hers is like the best, but the chicken is like really old, cos its like SO hard to chew it off. i dono why, but the age group of 40 and above love it so much. how ironic when the younger ones are suppose to have stronger teeth.. grins. watched miss congeniality 2, i swore its so hilarious! i think im gonna watch again or purchase the dvd. (urh, pirated ones) i'm so tornapart, im happily settled down in MI but everyone wants me to appeal to poly big time. esp, grandma seah. must be my aunty spouting nonsense into her, saying MI teachers are lousy and sure cannot pass A's. damn, im not gonna take that lying down man. i'd do whatever to fire up myself and make sure i get in NUS. cos if i dont do wel in my As, there's no where for me to find comfort in anymore.

i know i wil fight for it. i'll f-f-f-i-g-h-t. lol, too much of cheerleading.
oh yeah, yesterdae orientation ended really late, met mrs seah at tiong bahru at around 530 and went to suntec to find mr. mrs wee. lol. shall not elaborate lah. lol, after that met mr.mrs ma at cine. its like da couple day or smth. we are triple dating. now its d major IN thing. lol. yeah, cruised ard town until 10, sent mrs seah back with mr.mrs wee. and oh, ok. abt 4mins ago, mr.mrs wee became real. ok. lol.

bless you mr.mrs wee. :) no more messing ard.

i think the ma, seah and wee family can go register for ROM. :)
i want to let the world know that mrs seah is mine big time, and we wil try to have kids.

joke.

2005-03-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

this is the last time that I'm ever gonna come here tonight this is the last time - I will fall into a place that fails us all - inside I can see the pain in you I can see the love in you but fighting all the demons will take time it will take timethe angels they burn inside for us are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly the devils they burn inside of us are we ever gonna come back down come around I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold this is the last time that I'm ever gonna give in tonightare there angels or devils crawling here?I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see still I can see the pain in youand I can see the love in youand fighting all the demons will take timeit will take timethe angels they burn inside for us are we ever are we ever gonna learn to flythe devils they burn inside of usare we ever gonna come back down - come around I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break usif I was to give in - give it up- and thentake a breath - make it deepcause it might be the last one you getbe the last one that could make us coldyou know that they could make us coldI'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold.

i really dono what am i thinking right now. all i need to do is to curl up in bed and have a last good cry. im tornapart. i feel like a jerk. like a bastard.

girl, without you in my life, i'm so lonely.

2005-03-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

my skirt is so short. and im loving it. :)

2005-03-22T12:42:00.000+08:00

another weird thing just happened.
i'm nominated as top student for combined humanities for O's.
MUAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. what is the world coming into?

so where were we abt plan C?

2005-03-22T12:00:00.000+08:00

faints. im getting headaches and heart attacks from yday night to this morning.
i'm posted to Pre-U, Millennia institue/Arts stream.

now, is there any plan C?

2005-03-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

THE bill came.
3hundred bucks.

-SHRIEKS!

i tel u, im speechless. but my mind is clearly on Germaine.
now. what's plan b?

2005-03-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

long day for me. im mentally drained and physically too. had otc training today, and its like AHHH, what a waste of time for the commissioning. and IM SO LUCKY TO BE THE I/C FOR NEXT TRNG. roll eyes. whatever, i know my stuff and it aint gonna hit me hard.
yeah, mayling & her team gotten CHAMPIONSHIP and kaixin & her team gotten 6th position. i tel u, i'm like the proudest instructor lah although i totally didnt show it. i was beaming right down inside, and am really excited for them. :) im really proud of my kids. after what? 3 years? we finally gotten back what we used to have. proud lah, really proud.

you know it well that i wasnt going to leave you. i dont want and i wont give up this love so easily without a fight. what's coming to us, is just a test. let us be strong enough to overcome this tiny weeny test. you know i'd wait. nothing matters if you aint here with me. i want you to believe in us. have faith in me, you and US.

everything is just us us us us. julian & maine. and no one else. let this love grow stronger. you know it will.

i want a lil smthing more, dont want the middle or the one before. i dont desire a complicated past, i just want a love that will last. -renee olstead, a love that will last.

2005-03-19T19:45:00.000+08:00

i was with maine yday and today. im truly blessed to have a girl like her next beside me. :)
i cant speak much, cos i know my words will never be able to match up to the feelings i have inside. those i have inside, are too much to bring it across to anyone and its too strong for anyone to understand. with these feelings, i bring them everywhere i go and include in everything i do. i can never feel missed out from her love. what's on my mind right now is just five letters, m-a-i-n-e.

i had a hair cut today. i'm entering NS.

2005-03-16T14:55:00.000+08:00

okay. proper updating of prev. days. had been in competition camp for 4 days and 3 nights. it was really mentally draining but i dono why Jp feels the physical draining part cos she slept like more than everyone adds up together. i slept like only 3hrs per day, except on sunday, totally slept from 5am-9am. lol, that's like the longest lah. had pretty much of mixed emotions during the camp, no one knew, but i actually cried during the camp. GOD, its so terrible being so angry with my kids. i believed that if werent for mei ting who kept screaming at her alr, i would have blasted the schl down. i kept that fucking anger in me so hard that i cant take it anymore, and decided to take a hike. damn. thinking back, its so sad to see how your cadets are, and basically it just relected back on you how bad your teaching is.

whatever, i'm all over the camp. i'm really relieved, now i have that burden off me right now. the next few burdens are:

1. last training on thursday.
2. competition day on 2oth march
3. officer course on 20th march
4. get a job.
5. posting release on 23th march.

i just need to GET THESE off my chest. the reason im still hanging on, is because of Maine. if werent for her, i think i wld have gone berserk immediately.

spent the half of the day sleeping, replenishing my hrs of sleep. and had lotsa mee and cheesecake. thank God dad is being nice to me, and save the last piece for me!! :) and he's like totally nice to me last night, i dono why. maybe its because he realised i collected the clothings for ironing and did some laundry last night so he decided to treat me good. HMMMM, more housework on the way. muahaha. i think every camp i go on to, i came home with more maturity, really. cos of the independency i get in school, i think. shrugs.

okay, lets get down wit plans for this week.

wednesday: i'm staying home today to please mom and dad.
thursday: training in the morning, evening mtg clique. THAT'S WHY STAYING HOME TODAY. lol
friday: meeting maine baby
sat: ditto!
sun: competition/otc.

its like been a wk i've last seen baby! :( no good no good. i promise i'l spend time with her and not let miss sjab to snatch me away from her. muhaha, and i dono how she know sjab is MISS. lol.

smth bad happened this morning when i woke up, i found out that the photo frame broke that contain neekol & me 's pic. i swear she hates me for not visting her. been reading thru archives, about the days. i'm so sorry.

i wonder if i could see you again.

2005-03-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

i miss maine so much that im pulling my hair off.

2005-03-14T20:25:00.000+08:00

omg, its like so long since i last updated. im still in camp, watching over my dearest kids. kinda stressed out by the competition. and i really want them to win smthing. i dont want them to have the feeling of losing, but i want them to enjoy the sweet taste of victory!

been talking to baby almost everyday. she's gg crazy by the fact that im still in camp. and she's been grouchy ever since. pouts. whatever, i still love her and yada yada. shes totally using that may bung to spite me lah!!! its okae, im damn chin cai. :)

mrs seah rocks lah.

now in fa cases now. my god, im so turning these guniangs into manly girls. no pun intended okay. TOUGH.

ROARS. ok, off to see more stuffs. back home tmr. :)

2005-03-12T00:56:00.000+08:00

spent the day with maine baby. should i describe out what we did? lol. dont think anyhow else, alright. esp jp! :) we watched Monster today. its like, walau, damn it steamy lah the scenes. but we totally love it! we talked so much that i didnt want to leave her house at all, my lips are bruised from kissing her and my body doesnt want to leave hers. :( its always so short that time was spent together, but we cherished it so much that it doesnt matter to me how much we spent together. its the QUALITY, not the quantity. :)

after baby hse, went to xy's church. full of prayers and God's stuff. i totally dont like it except for the worshipping part, where i get to jump and sing, and not bad leh, i only how to sing 3 songs! :)
and after that, xy cabbed us back, damn shiok lah. missed out lah everyone. muahhaha, theresa was totally stalked by xy. lol. -does the whatever action-

AIYA. CAMP FOR NEXT 5 DAYS AH. I WILL MISS MY STEADZZ WORZZZZ.

* baby, this love you have given is so special and i know it holds a really special place in my heart. i thought i'd never love like this strong before, until i met you, my life evolves and my world totally revolve with your world. we are so wrapped up wit our own words, that we dont care about others. i never realised we had so much in common, that certainly strengthen our love. :) i only have you in my eyes and in my heart. no one can replace you baby, this is too much for me to take it all at once. my life would never be same, if i had to live without you. this feelings are so strong, so strong that i cant believe it at the same time. i love you so much, that waiting for you at redhill, seem so easy and so chincai. baby, you ought to know these feelings are so true, and so strong that it will never die off. so darling, dont leave me. i dont want to live without your love. feel my heartbeat, and you know its true, that it'd beat so fast with the times im with you. :)

i really like what you've done to me, i cant really explain it. i'm so into you.

i miss you so much maine. the nights are hard to go through.
i love you to bits baby.

2005-03-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

i'm angry. why would anyone do that? that person is sucha loser cos she/he doesnt DARE to leave his/her name.
i'm counting the minute till the last straw.

i'm not a pushover.

2005-03-09T00:07:00.000+08:00

Empty frames
Pictures torn apart
No goodnight kisses anymore
Goodbye sweetie
Now I have to go
Remember me
There is a better place
That awaits me
I'll see you there
You've got the whole world
Ahead of you

*I'm sorry, I didn't say goodbye
I'm sorry that, I made you cry
And I'd make it up to you
If I had the, if I had the chance to
What are we supposed to do?
When everything goes wrong
Is it possible, to change our destiny?
What are we supposed to do?
With everything that goes on
It's impossible to change our destiny
To change our destiny*

There is a better place
That awaits me
I'll see you there
You've got the whole world
Ahead of you

once again, i'm so inspired by Daphne khoo. my fascination is back, and im back for more inspirations. i almost wished she was never eliminated. right now, i'm just drowning in local music.

click here to listen to her new song, i'm sorry - go to www.daphnekhoo.com under forum. :D
its really fabulous. i wonder if she remembers me. :)
and i'm missing maine so much. i just wanna fly to her windows right now and check out how sweet does she look when she's asleep. :)
bolsty gotta do the job again. shrugs.

its impossible to change this beautiful destiny. ;)

2005-03-07T23:38:00.000+08:00

had a really sleepy day today. :( woke up at.. 6plus as usual to acc maine to sch. ON THE PHONE. lol, its really nice to hear her voice, just right in the morning. ahh, so soothing and nice, although she's really noisy on the other side. -mutters. but i wont mindd. she makes morning seem so beautiful and gives me can-wake-up attitude in the morning. but abit wrong timing though..

yeah, as usual, after putting down the phone, i wld go back to sleep, while she will be there texting me to ask me wake up. tsk. :) woke up and went to sch to give my appealing fees! ahh. and had auntie's rice!! HEAVEN LAH. I LOVE IT MAN. I WANT TO BE HER GRAND DAUGHTER. lol, her cooking is fabb.

yeah, maine had a rough time todae at sch, cos of the tests. went down to meet her to de-grumpize her, my poor baby. although the time seem really short, i dont mind cos i get to see her and de-grumpize her and de-grouchize her. i really enjoy seeing her, and i would just shut up and hear out what she wanna say and just stare at her. BLISS LAH BLISS LAH. :)

dad kept pestering me to look for jobb! i cant take it anymore. -does maine's friend action- WHAT EVER LAH.

i cant wait for thurs, i'm gonna catch a movie wit maine.

its just you and me.
and i dont know why, i cant keep my eyes off of you.
there's something about you now.
i can't quite figure out,
everything she does is beautiful,
everything she does is right.

maine maine maine ;)

2005-03-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

i love germaine glenda seah. :)

2005-03-06T13:37:00.000+08:00

i, i'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
is alright with me
'cause you make me
feel so brand new
and i want to spend
my life with you

Since, since we've been together
loving you forever
is what i need
let me be the one you
come running to
and i'll never be untrue ooh baby

Chorus

Let's, let's stay together
Lovin' you whether, whether
times are good or bad,
happy or sad
good or bad, happy or sad

Why, somebody tell me
why people break up?
turn around and make up
i just can't see

You'd never do that to me
would you, baby?
staying around you is all i see
here's what i want to do

Chorus x2

Lets stay together - Lemar (resung by Taufik)

2005-03-05T01:12:00.000+08:00

ahh, slept the whole day but im still so tired. i need to look for a job like really soon, if not i cant yang my high maintainence girlfriend. hur. :) yay, i'm mtg mrs seah tmr! i cant wait. I CANT WAIT LAH. grins

JP BRO: please dont sad lah. although im happy right now, i have to be sad for you. prolly its the time to move. I KNOW, its hard. but, i swear, after that phase of forgetting someone, you'd be brand new. BUT THAT PHASE is indeed difficult. but you gotta hang on bro! you can make it lah. find new one okay, you go find, find alr tell me, i wont stop you this time. :) HUGS.

aiyya, love can be so wonderful yet so torturous. i love maine and i'm feeling terrible cos she's asleep. lol, how ironic. aiiiyah.

aiyyyaah. i dont know what to blog. i got this pain pain sensation at my breast. i think its breast cancer. big time.

*thrust breasts out.

cut lah.

2005-03-03T22:14:00.000+08:00

brrrrr. what a day. woke up in the morning to go to sch for appealing case, and had to work in the office for abit 20minutes, picking up calls and stuff. -mumbles.
den went to tp with tiff, to meet cole, seek, neohkhoo. checking out HTM, but i cant go in for the interview cos only less than 20pts can go in for the interview. arrrrgh, so demoralised. den left for NP, yawns, i didnt want to go!! but they totally pulled me into the cab! hehehe. so tiringgg lah.

after np, went for a haircut with yingxi. and went window-shopping with tiff, neohkhoo and yingxi! ;) these peeps are totally my chillout kakis. muahhahha, i wanted to create an acct named the crowd lookers cos the bunch of us went online with yingxi's laptop and surf thru those hot chicks and yandaos. and that seek is so into cheryl yee, and we pranked her. muahahhaha. wah, suddenly i'm feeling the intense headache.

and i dunno what am i blogging lor.

and i love mrs seah so much. :)

mrs seahh ooooii..
mrs seahh ooooii..
mrs seahh sut sut ooooiiii!

muahhaha, i love you baby. i miss you so muchhh, that prolly explains the headache.

i think the room is moving.

2005-03-01T23:04:00.000+08:00

i'm on the verge of breaking down. fine, its my fault that i didnt get good results, but guess what? digging-the-past time is over! stop coming up on me and making me feel guilty all over again. i'm sorry my english turned out this way. i'm sorry i failed my sci. I AM SORRY OKAY.

chloe said i should get a dip or deg den start pursuing my dreams. it is such a long journey. i want to go lasalle and do musical theatre but dad screamed a NO at me. i wanted to do film studies, mom said no future. BUT HELLO MAN AND WOMAN WHO PAID UTILITIES BILL AKA PARENTS, if this what i want, if this is what i wanna do, if this is my interest, can you please just give it to me. if you want me to go in business, fine. business is the least i wanted.

i may want hospitality & tourism but i dont want to face competition with my best friend. i mean its hard. we have been competing all our lives in secondary, and i dont want to fight with her anymore. fine, i must admit, i might lose. BUT THAT'S NOT MY MAIN CONCERN.

I DUNNO WHAT I WANT ANYMORE. im so confused. i dunno what else to think. i have so many people's opinions pointing at my face. no future no future. CAN I HELP IT IF I AM IN SINGAPORE? CAN I HELP IT IF THE POPULATION IS SO LITTLE? CAN I HELP IT THAT IM SUCHA LOSER? move me to aust. no money, i'd do govt bonding. i'm feeling so painful, so suffocated. im so lost. i feel like crying now, but i dont know why the fuck am i so strong now for.

come on man, dont hold back. dont hold back. i dont think anyone cld understand. im in such a state of dilemma that no one wants to be in. i cant take it, im so pressured. hah, so much for GO FOR YOUR DREAMS. fuck it man. rubbish, everything is all about practicality. reality is harsh, DAMN IT.

this life is ruined. totally ruined. major screwedup. major mistake.
COME ON, GOD. GIVE ME A MIRACLE. before the knocks on the wall.

i need you so much maine.

thank you God for releasing the pressure in me.

so much for dreams and hopes.

2005-03-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

i cant believe i'm blasting avril's rock to drown my soon-to-be-nervous-breakdown syndrome.

avril rock.

-edited, 3:56pm

i'm just gonna kept quiet for a while.
i just wanna be alone right now.
great, rain.
GO AHEAD AND RAIN ON ME YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
im totally grey.

-edited, 11:34pm

i didnt score well. i'm all about disappointment. ah, what the fuck. now im going mad for the choices. i want to do something i really like, but its like.. sigh. i dunno. I DUNNO I DUNNO.
baby, WAKE UP AND TALK TO ME. i miss you.
went to meet baby today, felt really better after meeting her. hehe. even its only for an hour, its like paradise. :)

aiya, what am i talking about. i'm beginning to sound like Jp. :)
if appealing is no use, i'm going to retake. dont worry peeps, still can go poly.
im just so fucked up right now.

GOIN' CRAZY-NATALIE

-edited, 12:02am

i swear if i hear anyone asking abt my results okay, i will..-clenched teeth- *CRUSHES CAN*.
THERE, TAKE THAT!
i'm sick of it man.

songs abt maine.

-edited, 12:54am

i'm going crazy missing her. and these sappy love songs are making it worse. I MISS YOUUUU. ROARS. omg, sigh. its gonna be another sleepless night. i cant stop sighing, arrrgh. i miss mainey damn badly. tmr i'm going to her school and pack her up den drag..okay, carry it back here. and she can wear tube for all she wants. i dont care. i also can wear singlet and boxers. *TOOTHY GRIN

i dont like the feeling of missing you.
suffering major time.
if i'm going to do another edit, i will probably repeat the same thing and kill myself.

mario - let me love you.

-edited, 2am.

GROANS. hang on, i'm not gonna kill myself. i'm gonna read a book and try to fall asleep. okay, nightsies. last edit. i promise. *TOOTHY GRIN

falling too deep.

2005-02-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

that's for you if you cant see the wordings on it.

baby, i know you're upset right now. but all i could do is to sit here and feeling useless, cos i cant help you to ease your aches. i'd have given anything to take your burden away and take it on my shoulders. you've to be strong, for me at least. we've gotta do the prayers and everything to keep it working. i'm sorry about what i've said abt letting you go or smthing shit. im confused big time. im gonna get this fact right, im not gonna leave you or let you go, cos our heart's chained. and i love you more than anyone else who loves you in this world.

im losing my cool. and i'm starting to loathe your mom. why is it always moms get in the way of my love life? i'm sick of it. does anyone have any idea what kinda shit im going through? its like tormenting my pathetic soul, my body is of no use. ah, just take both of them and shoot it.
now, please shoot.

i dont want to think of the ending of our story, cos it simply will never end.

maine, if I wrap my words around you, would you stay?

songs about maine

2005-02-27T15:25:00.000+08:00

I have this strong feeling you're gonna faint when you see this, but just forgive me for template, though i think its nice and i wanted to make it pink.

please do me the favour AND CHANGE THE PHOTO, we look so much better in d other photos lah. tsk. anyways, youre having badminton right now, im just at home missing you, YOU THINK VERY COOL FOR ME TO MISS YOU HUHS. i enjoyed myself tremendously yesterday darl, i dont know whens the next time im gonna see you, BUT IT BETTER BE SOON or im gonna die.

you're my heaven sent.

OKAY, MY CD'S BURNT.

I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU FAT COW,
though youre so fat and call me fat.
i still love you.

ps : YOU SEE LAH, I AM LIKE SO SWEET LOR.

with love,
MAINE IS SO NICE.

2005-02-26T21:10:00.000+08:00

went to baby's house today, supposedly for dvd marathon but we ended up doing smthing else.. muhaha. damn, i havent felt this good for quite sometime and i dont want to lose this feelings. i think she's all, any man or woman, wants. well, i thank God for this special lady who came into my life and changed it all. time is short but its really well spent together, and right now i'm reminscing every moment, savouring the sweetness of it. i think im more in love than anyone else in this world. :) it felt really good. lol, like what maine say, we're perfect, we fight but still happy together. muhaha. i love maine baby girl! =]

baby girl, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
no one else comes close.

i love you babe.

Saturday

2005-02-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

Omg. im gonna fall asleep soon and tmr wil be saturday. *PANIC ATTACK.

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

2005-02-25T00:07:00.000+08:00

went swimming alone today, really good! really sunny and everything! :) i think ive lost weight sia, but mom say not. TSK. fine, i shall still be the fat cow. tsk. i so dont like that nick, but i love that person who gave me that nick. muahahha. :)
slacked the whole afternoon after school, had tv session!! :) so happy to watch tv, and also texting my adorable cutie. Grins. everything so happy lah. seriously, i think mom's claypot rice will be a big hit in sg, its so damn freaking good. i'm so bored right now, baby's asleeeeeep. she's so kuku, sleep so early. :( lol, lovelove.

okay this is for my baby.

When I met you, I know you stole my heart.
Can you see now what that day meant to me?
My wish is clear, let's never stray apart.
And if I get my wish... yours I will be.
You are to me more than I can declare.
I look at you, I know I'll be true.
My thoughts are it's not enough to stare.
I want to stick with you like super glue.
Do you want to stay with me forever?
To me, believe, it won't be enough time.
It's in a pot that we will always stir,
Let's stir and stir until we hear the chimes.
I am your sun in the dark Maine,
And my love for you shines oh so brightly.

-Light In Dark by Matt P Dango

tsk, words maybe borrowed, but the sentiments are mine. :)
queen of my heart huh. :) you bet.
im missing you so badly. and later ive to climb up my bed to delete some of your texts. FROWNS.
I dont want.

Chinese dance, here i come.