Comfortable in my own skin ]]

Tired of all these. Clearance for my side, I did not ask Yuani or talk to Yuani about this matter. Germaine and I have done our part and we are over it. Because right now, I'm gonna ignore all 'cause we have done no wrong.

Out for OTC 1 week. Wont be online.

posted by Julianne @ 11:54 AM 4 comments

I refuse to pull my friends down to this shit. Admittance? Alright, i admit that there may be some resemblance to the template placings but there are no pictures of soulcleavage and inkfelt or anything related to them. Do you see any? Well, i have admitted. And the blog template is changed by me, cause i find it ugly to have something in common with them. Even the template placings.

These people have ABSOLUTELY no guts to put their names down.

And to Soulcleavage:

There are things i need to tell you. Personally, if the others including your gf could take a hint. Unknowingly, you are shielding someone unworthed. If you wanna hear it, you can definitely find your way to contact me. Intriguing things you might want to know.

posted by Julianne @ 1:08 PM 0 comments

what comes around goes around yeah? i think its pretty juvenile to go around telling people about plagarizing and personal attacks? yeah, take note of the word, juvenile. well, can we just say SHE THINKS YOU'RE SO TALENTED AND PRETTY AND CUTE and decided to idiolized you? oh sorry, idolized yyou?? and what makes you think that she's plagarizing from youu? ya ya ya, talk talk talk. your blog, your say, i not happy, i go away. YAY. i went away anyway. her blog, her template, you dont like, dont see. same logic yeah? well, you're 18. act like one. its either you are or you're not. just chill man, get so worked up for what? the next thing i will do is prolly copy yours too and let you and your pathetic girlfriend diss me. you guys are just too free. soulcleavage & inkfelt.

i'm not afraid of putting out names anymore. cos this have to stop. i have remained my best attitude towards this. so if you wanna just bish bash me, your choice. jaded with life anyway. but just leave maine alone. i atone for her foolishness to 'idolise' you.

somehow your template resembles someone else's too.
shrugs

posted by Julianne @ 12:14 AM 0 comments

Clubbed Gotham. Horrible music, terrible queques, major turn-ups, bad contestants, lovely friends and lastly, shameless people.


JP: i dont know where this friendship is going, but i hope it is still going on, but how its going on, i'll leave it open. Meanwhile, these are list of things i need it back for personal use, no bad intentions.

1) Bag
2) Shirt
3) Singlet
4) 20 dollars

Binder; you could keep until you have gotten one for yourself.

I miss maine. I need her terribly. The only person i want dance seductively is, with her. I know it sounded really bad but, i'm just missing her really terribly and madly right now. She hates me to club without her , but i still went ahead. I'm such a bad girlfriend. I'm sorry baby. You need to know how much you meant to me, and everywhere i go, all i could think is you. The music only revolves around two of us, with my eyes gazing into yours, hands on your hips, body swaying to rhythm and slowly you feel my lips on you, you part your lips and our lips are sealed.

Oh man, i would really like that.

p/s: Carrie, thanks. Its been like donkey years last seen you.

posted by Julianne @ 2:46 AM 0 comments

well, its the time of the year again. there's no trail of excitement at all. i just felt like nothing, if no one had reminded me, i would take it as another day. i think im like lil psychotic abt birthdays. when i was really young, i was really afraid of birthdays, whenever the crowd croons the happy birthday song, i run, cry and hide under the bed until everything is over. i think its like evil or something HAHAHA. now looking back i feel so childish and everything. there's no difference between back then and now, i'm still kinda feeling awkward tensionized on birthdays. its like so special, and i have no idea what to do, and all i wish is for that day to be over soon. for the past few years, it has always been the same, staying at home and have a small dinner at a small diner. yeah you can say i'm like a social loser or something but i just have bad memories about birthday and it sucks. although its like what? 5years ago? but its deep etched down in my heart. 18th, seem so unreal, before i was 18, i was like, DAMN i wish im 18. but now when it's here, its like visionary. somehow, i feel a whole load of burden on me, i have too much liberty right now, i can smoke (!!! figureofspeech), drink, enter clubs, learn driving. i know it sounded really superficial and all, but hey, everyone thinks that way! its like a whole new chapter of it. its like so inconceivable. looking back 18 years ago, i wished i did something to be really proud of. out of 18 years, i was a lesbian for what? 5 years? at least i was straight for 13years. HAHAH. i'm just so nonsensical right now. but yeah, 8june is really nothing, its just a very sensitive issue right now, but yeahh. well, from now on, i have to be really careful with choices i make (DUH) i know it sounded really stereotyped, but its choices that rule life.
right now, i have my family(still hoping for them to accept me as gay),my friends (boisterous ones), sjab(my only organization) and maine, the girl whom i love more than anything in this world and i mean it.

it feels different. it felt like i had a different identity now. i wonder how would it be to be 21? hahaha, see. there you go, everyone is like aiya, faster 18, then 21, then 30, then 40.. HAHA. how weird. yeah. i feel like laughing out really loud now, i just feel this balloon in me waiting to be burst. im like totally crapping PLEASE.

jp bro: i called you a bro to remind you that i'm your bro. and a bro who can tell you things what's right and what's wrong. but ultimately, the choice is yours. i stood by your side but that doesnt mean i'm condoning your acts. and this time, i'm really truly disappointed. and you are hearing it from me, you're wrong brother, you are wrong. maybe partly it wasnt your fault, but everything COULD be undercontrolled. and you know this isnt the first time. bro, i'm not condemning you but all you need is to be splashd with ice cold water to wake up to reality. you are living in fantasies where emotions are ignored. i'm sorry but i need to say this out bcos its very distressing. i must put a stop to your act if i can. brother, wake up and feel the sensitivity of this issue. clear up this issue asap to stop inflicting more pain. you would understand this, do you? hugs, be strong and pull it through.

all day long, all i'm seeing is tears racing down cheeks. i feel it, friend.

well, that pretty sums up all.
happy 18th birthday, jul. -blows imaginary candles.

posted by Julianne @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

i am really thrilled to see such long comment, but nevertheless, i'm too fucked up to care (HAHAHA, SO MAINE'S FAV). right now im in camp, its day 4 already, its really energy consuming as we are always turning in late, like yesterday, we had SJAB-ALL-TIME-FAV, bunk inspection. from 0030am - 0600am. damn, its such a miracle that i could make it thru cos remembering last year's camp, almost all instructors had their heads down on the table and drooled till morning. well, such improvements are needed to be mentioned. HAHAHA. but every program in the morning is being delayed cos every instructor is sleeping!

right now im using ms i'mplayingchessdontdisturbme-cheng. lol, in PCCG room, watching the tag game between yeow wee, haoyuan and miss i'mplayingchessdontdisturbme-cheng. lol. i realised ever since i have taken over, or rather xinyi left, the camps had been really slacked cos we are too slack ourselves. i hereby swear that i will plan the JUNCO camp well, and no one will slack, we must bring back our standard. *NODS

damnit shit, aaronn, if you know, im trying to call you but your network is just too fucked up. call soon. like probably 3am or smthing. love ya gay.

i miss maine so mucch, we had our fair share of problems again, booked out of camp to rush over to her place, to prevent any more problems escalating again. i love her, and its really from the botttom of my heart.

she's my everything, everything is her.

posted by Julianne @ 2:23 PM 0 comments

im feeling so lugubrious right now. i just finished watching rice rhapsody. why is it so arduous being gay? i couldnt stop thinking about mom, how disappointed she is, to find out i'm actually gay, with slappings on my face, tears streaming down from her aghasted eyes. thousands of sorrys would never make it up to the pain. why am i gay?? its just so hard to live on knowing the truth, i might never be accepted in this world, in this home. my harrowing heart is full of rantings and flooded with intangible guilts.

im speechless. i refuse to type on anymore.

posted by Julianne @ 12:39 PM 0 comments

coco latte was good. with hot girls and boys around, all i could think is Maine.
Anyway, happy 3rd month baby. :)

Sjab camp from 2nd june to 7june. will log in sometimes to check in messages from you guys! :) send me all ur love alright.

i miss maine already. ARRRRRGGGGBRRRRR.

p/s: Happy birthday to LQA.

posted by Julianne @ 9:48 AM 0 comments